I am proud I am an independent woman. I love that I can cook, clean, mow the yard, do the finances, hold a good job (if I needed to), and take care of the kids all at the same time. I know how to change a tire, I’m handy with tools, and I don’t mind getting dirty. On top of all that, I can solve most problems that come my way all by myself. However, that doesn’t mean I should do everything by myself. It is possible that my independence has alienated my spouse to some degree, which is just one reason to focus more on turning towards my spouse.
Much like most problems, admitting it is my first step on the road to recovery. I don’t turn toward my spouse, I typically turn away. Doing this may signal lack of need, lack of trust, disinterest and/or negative feelings for my spouse. Even if this is not my intent (which it is not-I’m simply an independent problem solver) my husband doesn’t always remember that. Much in the same way, when my husband turns away from me, even if he is not consciously turning away, I tend to believe the worst case scenario.
It is vital we take notice when our spouse is turning toward us, and reciprocate. By looking to the other for our needs, and paying more attention to their needs, we will be able to build a relationship in which we can rely on one another. When you let your spouse know you need him and you value his thoughts and opinions, it is likely he will rise to the occasion while at the same time feeling more loved and more valued. Additionally, when your spouse does the same for you, and lets you know he needs you, make sure to be present. Help them to see they made a great choice by turning to you. Share in one another’s happiness, be up when he is up, and down when he is down, and you will have a marriage filled with understanding, a stronger desire to be with each other and a deeper sense of closeness. Marriage means you don’t have to do everything on your own, you get to share it with someone else. You can have someone there to help you through all of the bad times, as well as someone there to share the joy of all the great times if you turn towards each other.