It’s Not About You

There is simply no room in a marriage for selfishness.  However, couples don’t always take into account what this means.  Does it mean you are not allowed to have wants? Does it mean you can’t think about yourself?  The answers to these questions is a resounding yes.  Once you are married, you are no longer an individual, so having individual wants and needs no longer serves a purpose, unless your wants and needs are in perfect alignment with your partner’s, assuming you are both equal partners.

When you have a true partnership, there isn’t a single decision made, one without the other.  The cliché of those macho men who do whatever they want and don’t consider their wife’s opinions because they are “real men” have never known true partnership.  Husbands in a true partnership are sensitive to the fact that they are only half the equation and wouldn’t do anything to undermine their relationship with such pettiness.  They are emotionally intelligent men who understand a marriage is not about what he wants but about what they want.  Just as well, women are not excused from this behavior.  There are those who feel they have their husbands “whipped” in a sense, and they can get whatever they want.  Unfortunately, unless they want an unhappy marriage, their attitudes must change.

When I was a child, my father told me when I was being adverse that I needed an attitude adjustment.  I believe those in a marriage who are wishing they could have more, or mourning the loss of things they did in their single lives need just the same medicine if there is any hope of fulfillment.  In order to have a happy marriage, it is of vital importance to put your spouse first.  Think of what his/her needs and desires are, and help fulfill them.  Be endlessly supportive and kind.  Don’t make a decision your partner isn’t aware of or doesn’t know about, and this will ensure your lines of communication stay open.  At times, you will be annoyed or frustrated, but let this be a reminder to humble yourself, and put yourself aside for the betterment of your union.

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